did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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