Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
