so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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