I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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