the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
