guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
