On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
