He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
