I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
