Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
