am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
