brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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