Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
