I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
