he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
