Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
