About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
