The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
