walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
