dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
