You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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