I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
