i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
