Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
