Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
