So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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