the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Randomize
