Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
