Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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