I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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