im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
