he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
