just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
