How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm like, not good at living.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
