I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Houston, we have a blender
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
