I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
