apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
