the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
