I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
