it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
