You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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