Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
