tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
