While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
