i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
