Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
