first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
