Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
