Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
