I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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