Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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