I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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