well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
